Today’s survivor is Nicole Beverly. She is a survivor of domestic violence and advocate for awareness. This is her piece entitled “Survivor Psalm; Be Patient Be Kind:

 

 

 

Be Patient, Be Kind

We will stand before you bruised and broken…
untrusting and ashamed.
We may not be able to look you in the eye or
speak loudly enough for you to hear us because we have been told to keep
quiet and look down for so long.

Be patient with us… be kind.

We may not know the answers to your questions…
Our favorite food or movie or what we like to do for fun.
We probably don’t know how we truly feel about certain issues or feel
comfortable speaking up because we have been told for so long that our
opinions don’t matter.

Be patient with us… be kind.

We will likely be lacking the self confidence to try new things,
start a new job or go back to school.
We probably can’t recognize ourselves in the mirror any more
because we have become a shell of our former selves after years
of being told how worthless, ugly, stupid and flawed we are.

Be patient with us… be kind.

We will try to be strong and hide our fears, tears and pain.
It may take time for us to stop minimizing the abuse we
suffered and admit that someone we loved intentionally harmed us.
It will take even longer for us to stop blaming ourselves for allowing it
to happen.

Be patient with us… be kind.

We may frustrate you by expressing our love for our abuser…
feeling sorry for them, excusing their behavior or
accepting responsibility for their actions.
We may even allow them to get into our heads and start to question if the
abuse was our fault, if we are better off going back to them or if we
aren’t strong enough to make it on our own.

Be patient with us… be kind.

We may be manipulated into going back to our abuser and giving them
another chance because they have convinced us that they are sorry, that
they love us, they will get help or that they will change and will never
hurt us again…
We may go back to them out of fear, to save our family, because of
financial dependence or simply because we aren’t strong enough yet to
stand on our own.

Be patient with us… be kind.

But if you keep the door open for us…
If you show us patience and kindness without judgement…
We will come back for your help when we finally reach our defining moment
of having enough.
This is when we will be ready to find ourselves again, regain our voices,
be able to look you in the eye and say thank you.
Thank you for being patient and kind and for helping us transform
ourselves from victims to survivors.
That moment will make it all worthwhile I promise!

-Nicole Beverly, LMSW, SSW
-Domestic Violence Survivor