We took a break for Christmas Sunday but #SurvivorSunday is back to honor our first feature of 2017, the beautiful Monica Mondy. Below, Monica shares her story of heartbreak but also one of inspiration and the unstoppable will to survive. Her dedication to victim advocacy and domestic violence awareness proves that not only can you survive, you can THRIVE.

Monica’s Story

I am a 54 year old, African American, financially independent, career woman, mom and grandma. Many of my family members, friends and colleagues look to me for advice and consider me a role model considering that I was a teen mom, raised my kids alone and appeared to have it all together. I have 4 grown children (3 biological, 1 Godson) who are college graduates. I consider myself confidant and beautiful.

I was in 15+ year relationship with a man who abused me and he blamed me for the abuse because he considered me to be “disagreeable and negative”. We were not married but lived together, most recently for six years until a little over a year ago. He would get angry and violent when I wouldn’t agree with him on a subject or “got in his business”. During the 6 years he lived with me, not only did I support us both financially, I suffered horrible episodes of abuse. He broke his arm by hitting me, spit in my face, cheated on me with several women, punched me in the eye detaching my retina, kicked me in the jaw and broke one of my teeth, pulled out my hair causing me to cut it really short, threw various objects at me, threatened to kill me, backed into me with my car, broke my glasses, used me financially and called me every ugly thing you could imagine.

The very last time I saw this man, we argued because I told him that he needed to move out and the fight ended with me getting a plate of food smashed in my face and knocked to the ground. I cleaned myself up, he slept in the second bedroom and I left for a four day business trip the next morning as usual. Little did I know that would be the last time I’d see or hear him, not because I had finally found the courage to have him arrested or kick his ass on the street, I never found that strength. After this incident, when I returned from a scheduled business trip, I found a note that the coward left that said that he would never speak to me again, because I “called the police too much”, my “personality impeded his growth” and that I “disagreed too much” with him. He took many of my household items, (mind you, he never contributed in six years to the household) and moved away. I haven’t seen or heard one word from him in over 3 years.

Over the years I hid the abuse very well and never had my abuser arrested or prosecuted.  On the occasions I called the police by the time they arrived I left or when they came he convinced them that everything was “OK”.  I hid my injuries and often went to work stiff and sore with bruises from some fight or another.  I was embarrassed and fearful so I suffered in silence. I was with this person for so long that I accepted the abuse as “part of his personality”  and thought that if I just did MORE to show him how great I was and that if I could just prove to him that I loved him enough he would change. I was wrong, he never changed.

I was hurt and felt violated. I couldn’t understand what I had done to cause him to do this to me, I was devastated and felt betrayed by someone I loved. I’ve had to seek therapy and medical care since he left for the physical and emotional wounds I suffered. Speaking about the relationship and the violence helps me to name it what it was – DOMESTIC ABUSE. After over 2 full years of counseling and joining an abuse survivors group I learned that I DID NOTHING TO CAUSE THE ABUSE- he was flawed beyond repair and I took the blame for his cowardice behavior. I am better.

I am a Survivor and I have made the decision to use my pain for a purpose.  I have joined with other women who were affected by Domestic Abuse to form a group called Survive2Thrive provide support to those who are struggling to find their way after leaving an abusive situation.  We believe that together we can make a difference in the lives of those who have made the choice to get out and honor the ones who were unable to escape. I hope by sharing my story I can help to remove the stigma that surrounds abuse and begin an open and honest dialogue that will lead to an end of this epidemic.  I am no longer afraid to be judged or questioned about the “how’s” and “why’s” I remained in an unhealthy and abusive situation, instead I choose the offer an understanding ear and helping hand to those who need support to get out safely.  I survived to thrive, you can too.